Shopping nightmare
by RedTori90
Summary: Sasori and Deidara have to shop for underwear. Seperating in the store may not be the best thing for them to do. Summary sucks. Sorry. AU. SasoDei


Shopping Nightmare

"Deidara, May I ask what we are doing here again?"

A red headed boy found himself being dragged by his roommate to the back of a store, towards the male underwear section. There were a number of things in the world that that the red head hated about the situation. 1. He was being dragged. 2. He was being made to buy underwear. 3. People were watching the boys in amusement.

The red heads name was Sasori Akasuna. He had pale skin, hair that was messy and tickled the back of his neck, and dull brown eyes. He was a very impatient guy, and hated a lot of things. Being around others was one of these things. He gave a deadly glare to all those that turned to look at him, wishing death on every one of them in his anger and embarrassment.

"I told you, you need to buy more underwear. I'm sick of you stealing mine, hmm"

Deidara was a few inches taller than Sasori, had long blond hair that made people think he was a girl at first glance, and unlike Sasori, had a sun kissed tan. The boy had an obsession with putting his hair in a certain style. He would leave half of it down, bringing a portion of it to cover the left side of his face. Then he would tie up the hair on top in a ponytail. It was a weird, cute, and unique style. Deidara also had sky blue eyes, outlined slightly and adding to the appearance of being a girl.

At Deidaras' words, a few women walking in the opposite direction burst into a fit of giggles. Sasori sighed at their immature behaviour. The women had to be somewhere in their thirties, for crying out loud.

"Only those you never bother to wear, brat" Sasori countered, hoping that would get Deidara off his back. He should have known better.

"Danna, I put those aside for when my others are worn out, hmm" the blonde turned to Sasori and glared "you don't expect me to wear boxers with holes in them"

Of course, as well as having school to go to, homework, and the essentials for living, Sasori had forgotten that Deidara was a very active person. The blond played football during breaks, was in the school track team, kept a busy social life, was a kickboxing instructor, and for some odd reason, had dance lessons. The blonde was very active, so he had to replace his clothes as they all got holes in them easily.

"I don't expect anything from you, brat" Sasori frowned, taking back his wrist now that Deidara had let go "Why should I?"

Deidara groaned at Sasoris' eagerness to start an argument in the underwear section. He grabbed the shorter males' shoulders, spinning him round to face the other way, and gave him a shove "Go pick out something you like, and don't bother me until you have enough extras too, hmm"

Sasori was slightly shocked by Deidaras' actions, controlling him and showing him no respect. He was going to give the blond a few choice words, only to hear the blonds' footsteps walking away. Sasori turned and saw Deidara heading a little further down, obviously wanting to replace the boxer shorts that Sasori had stolen. The blond had hygiene issues. Rolling his eyes and letting out another sigh, Sasori turned and stared searching.

Deidara had reached a section that had cool designs on the articles of clothing. The blond hated having plain underwear, even though he could never see then through his jeans. Plain was boring, and so un-artistic. He found a black pair with red flames on them.

"No, already bought an identical pair, then Sasori used them, hmm"

Next to them though was a black pair with blue flames on them, and the blonds' face broke out in a smile "Perfect, I won't confuse them with the ones Sasori stole, hmm"

As he reached out a hand to grab pair that was his size, a pale hand grabbed them, effectively swatting away Deidaras' hand. He turned to see who had rudely knocked his hand away, coming face to face with someone he didn't want to see on his weekends. Itachi Uchiha.

"Hey Dei Chan" Itachi greeted the blond in a cheerful tone, which the blond noticed was out of character for the Uchiha.

This guy also had long hair like Deidara, but was more noticeable as a guy. Itachi had jet black hair, pulled back into a low ponytail and bangs either side of his face. His eyes were also black in colour, a scar running down his face underneath both eyes. Itachi always had a stoic look on his face, so looking at him now with a smile on his face, came as a shock to the blond.

The blond frowned "What do you want, weasel, hmm?" he asked none too politely. Deidara had never liked the guy, because the Uchiha had never once acknowledged the blonds art. At least everyone else that saw it had an opinion on it.

"Nothing, I was just shopping when I came across you" the Uchiha looked around slowly, head turning left and right, before turning back to Deidara "Was that Sasori I saw earlier? I thought the two of you didn't get on well"

Deidara clicked his tongue, already annoyed with the change in Itachi "Yes that was Sasori, hmm. And the only reason we don't get along is because of our different opinions in Art"

Itachi nodded, keeping that uncharacteristic smile in place on his lips "So why are you both here anyway?" he asked, further annoying the blond with how nosey he had become. Damn Uchihas'. With a slight glare, Deidara replied "He keeps stealing my spares, when he has no underwear left, hmm. I brought him here to buy more, and then teach him how to use a washing machine"

Itachi laughed, causing Deidaras' visible eye to twitch. He soon calmed, smile back in place "Well good luck with that. So, are you helping to pick out underwear for him?"

"Well, no—"

"How about this pair...?" Itachi cut Deidara off, losing the black pair of boxer shorts with blue flames and replacing them with a pair Deidara hadn't spotted, another black pair, only with a cool red scorpion on the left side.

"Hey, they're good hmm" the blond commented, earlier annoyance now forgotten.

"Or these...?"

And so, hell commenced for the poor, unfortunate blond. Not too far away, Sasori stumbled into a bit of trouble himself.

"Hey Sasori"

The red head turned towards the voice. It was none other than Konan, the only female in their gang. Yet another person with pale skin, she also had black hair, dyed blue, with half of it tied up in a bun. There was a white paper rose miraculously balancing in her hair, unsupported by any clips. She wore heavy makeup around the eyes, and had a piercing below her bottom lip.

"Hello to you too, Konan" Sasori greeted the girl in a bored tone. Sasori knew very well that Konan wouldn't be offended; he spoke like that to everyone.

"Picking out underwear? In need already?" she asked, as Sasori went about picking out some black ones that were his size. No point in buying any with a pattern, right?

"Deidara insisted that I buy more. Brat dragged me all the way here from the school grounds" he explained, voice turning into a slight growl at the end.

"So where is Dei Chan?" Konan asked, looking over the top of isles, ignoring the obvious blond ponytail that was not too far from where both she and Sasori were standing. Sasori shrugged "Probably replacing the ones that I stole from him. Why all the questions?"

Konan faked shock, gasping at Sasoris' words "You should never steal from Dei Chan. You should make it up to him. Come" And before Sasori could get another word out, Konan was dragging him to the other side of the store.

"What about this pair?"

Deidara didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Itachi had pulled pair after pair of boxer shorts to show him, getting slightly more ridiculous with his choices, and not letting Deidara speak. Currently Itachi was holding a pair of black Y-fronts, a flamingo pink border for a design. Deidara blushed.

"Itachi... Sasori would kill me if I bought him those, hmm" he finally managed to speak, without being interrupted. The blond trembled at the thought of handing them over to the easily aggravated red head. Not good.

"But can't you see Sasori wearing these?" Itachi asked, faking a pout. Deidaras' face flushed a deeper shade of red, before shaking his head vigorously in an attempt to stop any unwanted images.

"Or maybe, this...?" Itachi said with a sly tone, holding up a leopard skin thong. That did it. Deidara screamed, running out the store, forgetting that he had left Sasori behind.

"Err, Konan...why are we in the female underwear section?" Sasori asked, trying desperately not to look around him and stare at the lacy underwear for too long. She had dragged him over to the tables where underwear was just piled on, these not matching any of the bras.

"Silly" Konan giggled "We're looking for something nice for Dei Chan"

Sasoris' attention snapped to his female friend, eyes wide, before he started laughing uncontrollably. Yes, Deidara did look somewhat like a girl, but he wasn't. And no way would the blond male ever wear frilly, lacy underwear.

"Now what do you think would suit Dei best? Such a cutie. What about these?"

Sasori managed to crack one eye open, both of which were tearing up from laughter, to see what the girl was showing him. He doubled over with laughter. His eye closed, no longer able to see the pair of pink female boxers in Konans' hands, a design of two red hearts with a white border ironed onto the left.

"I take that as a no" Sasori shook his head, not able to say a word "Okay, what about these?"

Stifling his laughter, Sasori wiped away tears before looking at what Konan was showing him now. Maybe this shopping trip wouldn't be so bad? When had someone made him laugh this much last? Oh yeah, when Deidara was late for school that one time, and got his feet tangled in the covers when he tried getting up. The sight of the panicking blond, sprawled out on the floor with his feet still tangled in his covers was enough to crack Sasori up.

Konan was now presenting him with a pair of pink underwear, slowly bordering a faint orange colour, lace around the edges in a flower like design. They looked more like for young children, or really old women.

"Not a chance in hell" Sasori chuckled. Was Konan serious? Buying these for Deidara would result in a well hidden bomb placed somewhere in their rooms, waiting to go off when they thought they were safe, courtesy of a certain blonds Art form.

"O-kay" Konan turned back around and started rummaging through the underwear on the table "I suppose we could see him as the more angelic type, ne?"

Before Sasori could ask what she meant, Konan turned back around, holding a pair of white knickers. The back was a plain white material, but the front was lacy, and looking carefully Sasori could see it was once again a pattern design of plants, flowers here and there. Not really meaning to, his mind drifted to what Deidara would look like in these. He pictured Deidara in a shy pose, looking innocent, and as Konan had put it, angelic. Gaze still on the underwear in Konans' hands, he failed to notice the smirk on her lips "Well?"

Sasori snapped back to reality, a faint blush staining his cheeks "Well what?" he asked, completely forgetting what Konan had brought him here for in the first place.

"Would this suit Deidara?"

Sasori shook his head "How would I know?"

Konan faked an irritated sigh, smirking again when her back was turned to Sasori. She was glad he had not stopped her yet, and the fact that he had been staring at the white pair intently showed that he was thinking about what his roommate would look like in them. Perfect.

"Okay then, how about this pair?" Konan turned with a similar pair to the last. Sasori noticed that this time, they were a hot pink, and were missing some of the back. As well as that, the back had a plain back, then another piece of fabric over that, which had the same lacy pattern on the back as it did the front. He only noticed this because Konan turned them around for Sasori to see.

"Cute, no?"

'Cute?' Sasori wondered, and his mind wondered over to whether it would be cute. An image of Deidara with a slight pink blush, eyes shining and a smile on his face came to Sasori. The blond was standing in a cute pose, of course, with the blond wearing the underwear. Sasori shook his head, dislodging the image from his mind. That was his roommate he was thinking about.

Konan frowned "Okay, you obviously disagree with them also" she turned back around, frantically looking through the pile again. While she did that, Sasori attempted to calm himself down. The blush on his face had increased when he had thought about Deidara. If the blond ever found out, Sasori would be dead, for sure. A scream was heard somewhere in the store, making Sasori jump, but he did not bother to look and see where it was coming from.

"Ohh I can't decide" Konan groaned, getting Sasoris' attention. She spun around, this time with two pairs of underwear, one in either hand. She couldn't hold them out properly for him to see, so held them loosely in between her index fingers and thumbs.

"Now the black..." Konan held up the black pair "Screams wanting to get attention, and red..." she pulled back the black pair and held up the red "is sexy and a turn on for most men"

Konan failed to notice that Sasori was staring at them wide eyed. First he had pictured Deidara in the black, standing in a pose that screamed 'Well? What do you think?' That instantly changes to an image of Deidara in the red pair, on Sasoris' bed, giving the red head a seductive smirk. The suffix that Deidara had christened Sasori fell from his lips, not in the formal tone he would normally use, but in a way that sent shivers Sasoris' spine and heat rush down south.

"Sasori?" said red head shook his head, face now the same colour as his hair.

"I have to leave" he said quickly, dropping the basket Deidara had shoved into his hands when they first entered. At first he did a power walk, which soon turned into a sprint, then flat out ran when he was close to the exit.

Konan sighed as she put the underwear back down. She heard footsteps, and turned to see Itachi smirking "So you got to him?"

"I believe so; you should have seen his face" Konan replied "As red as his hair"

"That could have meant anything. Embarrassment, anger"

"I know he was thinking about Dei Chan when I showed him the last few pairs" Konan smirked, prompting Itachi to chuckle "Now all we have to do is wait, and see what happens"

Once Sasori was out the store, he rounded the corner to calm himself down. He had one hand on his chest, the other slightly behind him, trying to balance himself on the wall. He tried desperately to think of anything, ANYTHING, other than what he had imagined inside the store.

"Danna...?"

Oh shit. Sasori looked to his right, seeing the blond, who looked like he was in as bad a condition as the red head himself "What are you doing out here, brat? I thought you were in the store buying replacements"

"One..." Deidara held up one finger "Your nose is bleeding, hmm"

Sasori did a quick check, only to find blood on the back of his hand. He mentally cursed Konan for dragging him to find underwear for Deidara, and then cursed himself for thinking up those images.

"Two..." Deidara held up a second finger, pulling a tissue out of his pocket with his free hand and passing it to Sasori "I would have been inside the store, had Itachi not come along and put inappropriate images in my head, hmm"

"You too then?" Sasori asked, after wiping the drying blood away from his nose. He would have to go to the public toilets to clean off any that was still on his face.

"I take it Itachi got to you too? No wait; you came out not long after me, hmm. Was someone else involved? Or did you come out after hearing me scream?"

"That was you screaming?" Sasori asked amused "No, Konan was involved. She said I should pick out something for you, and..."

"And what, hmm?" a slim eyebrow quirked at the red heads hesitation, and the blond folded his arms, silently demanding that Sasori continue.

"She dragged me to the female underwear section"

"Say what?" Deidara voice had risen in obvious anger, and Sasori couldn't help but flinch. This was the first time ever that he was scared of his roommate. How pathetic was that? Being scared of a girly- boy. Deidara saw Sasori flinch, and was shocked that he had managed to scare Sasori. Usually it was Deidara that would cower at Sasoris' words. He sighed, letting all the anger drain out of him.

"I'm not going to waste a bomb over this situation, Sasori, hmm" he reassured the red head "So get a grip, would you"

Seeing that Sasori was still struggling to return to his usual, stoic self, Deidara placed a hand on Sasoris' left shoulder "Look, how 'bout we just forget this all happened, never speak of it again, hmm?"

"Y-yeah, I think that would be best"

Deidara smiled, retreating his hand "Good. Now then, we're heading to Burtons', hmm"

"Why there?"

"Because they don't sell women's underwear, hmm"

"Fine brat" Sasori relented, finally regaining his composure as the cold hearted bastard that Deidara knew was his roommate "But on one condition"

"And what is that, hmm?" Deidara asked, turning mid way yet still keeping his eyes on Sasori. The red head frowned "You stay with me, and keep a look out for those idiots. If we see them, we high tail it out of there before they put us through hell again"

Deidara smiled "Sounds like a plan to me hmm"

**L:** A friend of mine came up with the idea, after I asked what I could do for a story. This was the end result. Hope you like it

**T:** There is a possibility that we will do a continuation of this story, only with a smut scene. But only if we get round to it


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